Advise, Dating, daughters, geeks, Jocks, Labels, love, marriage, mothers, nerds, Relationships, Sexism, society
I was listening to the radio show “Bob and Tom” and they were discussing advise from moms. Overall I was really not interested until they said one that bothered me. It went something like this, “Date all of the jocks you want, but marry the nerd.”, what the hell? First of all if your going to label men don’t for get that we all fall into one category, men, no matter the sub-group you will have both good and bad. Besides this advise insulting nerds, jock and men in general it is about the worst thing a mother should tell her daughter.
As a father I would be appalled if my wife said this. It seems to promote promiscuity in a sort of negative manner and it also plants this per-defined image of male personality types in this young girls mind. “Date this type but marry this type” what of the type you marry? Are they not worthy of dating? Is getting to marry you some sort of prize or special privilege they have to earn by working hard and dedicating their life to education or learning a special skill? What about the jocks? According to this they are only good for throw away practice and used to have a good time then tossed to the side. Both groups have equal opportunity for potential life mates.
I am not saying that men are complete victims, although they are treated as a sort of grocery store item in this advice. Truth of the matter is that there is also equal opportunity form both groups to find a terrible life mate. as a geek/nerd/dork myself I have known many other geeks/nerds/dorks and I will tell you right now some of the are terrible human beings. If anyone takes offense to this fact then you may be one of them. This is only one of the issues with this advice and the idea of labeling people.
I could go on much longer about this for much longer and tell people my thoughts on sexism and how it goes both ways. I wont go into that since I already stepped outside my normal box of topics for this site. What I will do is tell you that I am a geek/nerd/dork and a father of two boys and a girl. When it comes time to tell them about dating I will tell them all to date people who are good to you and to not be afraid to meet different types of people. When it comes time to tell them about marriage I will tell them to marry someone who makes them happy, will love and support them (emotionally) and that they can share interests with. I think that too often labels get in the way of people meeting the right friends and life partners. We need to step out of that shell and stop worrying about what others tell us and think of us.
Thank you for reading,
Ugh. I could see advising your daughter to marry someone she truly cares for rather than marrying someone she is only attracted to (and the same for sons) but the jock and nerd stereotype? Whu? I mean, my husband is kind of geeky, but he can also fix my car (he’s a mechanic). So is he a jock or a geek zomg I don’t know! That’s just so dumb. It’s the same thing as saying “Date the slutty girls, but marry the virgin.”
That is what made me so upset about this. I would like to meet the mother that gave this advice and ask her what she was thinking. Labels mean nothing in the long run since it is all BS. When my wife married me she knew I was a gamer, artist, writer and collector of action figures. What she learned over our marriage so far is that I am also love hockey, build stuff and can fix nearly anything in the house. What am I then?
We try our best to remove labels in our house but it can be hard to break the habits that were built into us over the years. It is nice when I see other people who feel that they are harmful too. Is this line not some of the worst advise a mother could give? I would like to know what other women have to say and hear if they have ever gotten advice like this from their mother.
Thanks for stopping by and reading, this is not my normal type of post but I had to vent.
Hi. Your children are fortunate to have you as a father. I don’t know what that woman was thinking.
On a side note, what hockey team is your fave?
Thanks, I am not sure what was running through her mind either. I am a Dallas Stars fan.